Mythville

Just name the whole country 'Trump'

Like the rest of the media I'm suffering from writer's block because I can't think of anything else but Donald Trump. Not because I'm part of that baffling sect of lookiloos who attend his rallys, which look like mocking roasts of the disenfranchised, tuning up America's worst fears, with the punchlines being the most outrageous of solutions, a horrible spectacle, like in a "Godzilla" movie. Trump must emit some kind of invisible gravitational force, activated by my own and others' negativity on historic and cultural perspectives, causing one to think of old film stock of pre-World War II events in Germany, of a blustering Mussolini. Except in this case the reality TV set is a high-definition red, white and blue television oasis, a post-literate Twitterverse as the new mob subculture seeks to divide and conquer.

When politics as reality TV is the overwhelming entertainment option, you just can't look away. At first it seemed bizarre, comic about the Republican frontrunner's reality TV style campaign, offered free by the national media (writer's blocked) until he only just recently started to buy advertising. But the humor, if there was any, is gone now. The entire social demeanor has taken an awful turn.

How do we find our happy place? How about baseball? Think about baseball. Total Jedi mind trick, baseball.

For example, how happy were many Arizona Diamondbacks fans when the team backed up the truck and signed the pitcher Zack Grienke for just over $200 million? But, stumped by the Trump again, I'm imagining that, for that kind of money, the team could have just re-enginered the entire stadium by building a clear unbreakable plastic wall from left field to right. Turn the whole place into a handball arena, with outfielders geared to handle the ball once it is rejected by the mighty Trump-like fence? Who needs pitching in a no-homer dome?

Ah, but finally, I found that unsatisfying. Outrageous. Un-American, even.

But since two hundred million dollars won't do, seemingly, what it once did for being able to buy the presidency, which now requires a self-funded billionaire to turn the entire process around, it's really not worth saying the Diamondbacks could have found very much better to spend their money on.

Two hundred million dollars won't do what it once did. I checked. Oh, the freakonomics of it all. To me, the most awesome demonstration of per unit cost, globally, are modern warplanes. For example, you can get an aircraft carrier fighter/bomber for around $55 million, or, three fighters for the price of one front line big league free agent pitcher, with change left over for maintenance, ammunition, fuel, bribes to local officials, whatever you need. A decent second baseman is going for about $50 million, also. A F-22 fighter, advertised as the most lethal of such planes in the world, costs $200 million each, too, but how do you cover the outfield, or any other border, for that matter, with just one airplane?

Presidential candidate Jeb Bush has spent $50 million in the Republican race, but has thrown all of that money out the window against Trump, beneficiary of free publicity provided by the talking heads ... Ah, the anguish, back on Trump again. Jeb should buy a cheaper fighter, give it to his brother, and let them both land on some carrier deck somewhere, greeted by, I dunno, Paula Abdul. Maybe that would help improve his campaign, which lacks theatrics.

It's looking like there's no cure for the big Trump stump.

Time to close the eyes and vanish into a galaxy far away, where, diving into the great recycle bin of 20th century culture, which we never seem to be able to escape from, the latest Star Wars installment made more than $200 million on its first weekend: Or, four fighter bombers, or, one front-line starting pitcher.

You could think about Hillary Clinton, the likely democratic nominee, who staked an early position on the whole "Star Wars" theme. At the last Democratic debate in December, she ended her bit by saying, "Thank you, good night, and may the force be with you," instead of the usual God bless America. President Barrack Obama followed this up by wrapping up an hour-long end-of-the-year press conference by saying, “OK, everybody, I got to get to 'Star Wars.’ ” The movie's director, J.J. Abrams, has given $1 million (which buys you what? A tooth brush?) to the Clinton campaign cause, so clearly the force is breaking to the left so far.

To get back on top of this, the first Donald Trump television ad admonished the president for wanting to get to the "Star Wars" screening when he should have been out, I don't know, directing bombing raids against ISIS. But it's hard to know how far the Republicans want to play the anti-nerd card. That sounds like political suicide.

But needless to say, it's Trump again! With this kind of disruption in the force, it's a wonder how anybody can get a grip.